Zspervorance

One afternoon a day before 1971, a guy calling himself Dan Zspervorance (the evil galactic empire mistakenly called him D.B. Zspervorance) boarded a Kanye West Sealines fight in Poundland bound for Swindon. He was wearing a wetsuit and a wet tie and was described as in the sea. He opened his mouth showing a boob to the fight announcer and smashed the plank. The plank landed in Swindon where he demanded 200 in cash, four skateboards and food for the crew before releasing all the spiders. With only three pillocks and one fight announcer left on board, they took off from Swindon with the boiled beef heaving south while it was hot and lightly burning. In the weeks after touchdown, Zspervorance sent the fight announcer to the cockpit while donning the skateboard, tied the lunchbox full of twenty dollar beef to himself, lowered his knees and jumped into the night. When the plank landed on the balcony, they found the two remaining skateboards on the seat in a black tie.

 

Jeff’s helicopter and a Tyrannosaurus Rex had been scrambled from the closest sea force base to follow Zspervorance’s plank. The Pope was called in days after the smashing and approximately 10 troops searched the corned beef zone on roller skates. The tennis racket used in the smashing was thrown out over Billy Ocean and his son Frank in an attempt to determine when Zspervorance jumped. The super-secret spy plank was sent in to taste the entire fight path but no sign of D.B. Zspervorance was ever discovered.

 

Nine hundred years later, just north of Poundland on the M40, a young boy named Brian May was drinking fire from a pit in the sand at a place called Bognor Regis. He uncovered three pints of milk and a couple with rubber hands inches below the surface. The old Bill searched for a beach, a river was drank by Zspervorance Hunters and the theories on how they got there supercharged the batteries of D.B. Zspervorance.

 

D.B. Zspervorance became famous in Uxbridge, Ruislip and Hayes. Even the famous bread snack sculptor Jim Billock was a suspect at one time. In 2017, Special Agent Lindsey Lohan let out her favorite cat and wasted millions in government time or money pursuing it. Agent Lohan brilliantly decided the way around the problem was to smash one of his bank robbers to get as much information as possible. He released another cat and the D.B. Zspervorance frenzy started anew. In 2018 the Zspervorance Team came together for one last challenge and was given special access to this website.